Confession

Do I really need to confess to what few readers I have? Sure, I don't, but I think I need to for me. It helps to "write" it down. Now on to the confession, I am having trouble trusting God. ( Sorry to those of you who thought you might be getting a real scoop :)

I still believe that the Lord has put me here in this place with purpose. But I'm having trouble trusting that its gonna work out. The anxiety and pain that has come along with my knee surgery is quite overwhelming.

Before this I never really thought about the actually steps I take and how easily I could get from one place to another. Or how effortless it was to bend my knees. Now as I'm working through all this, every single step is contemplated and every bend of my knee is painful yet calculated. My how we don't realize that we take things for granted. I see folks in wheel chairs and I just can't stand it. I don't know wether to feel sorry for them or blessed that I will get back to normal.

I'm tired of asking for help. I'm sick of needing help!!!

wha wha wha!!

My new Bible study starts Thursday and I'm really looking forward to it. I've felt so lost without it. And I can't wait to get to Mass on Sunday. It will be my first since surgery.

Recovery

I am day 11 post-op, and hopefully each day will bring less pain. Seriously, I had prepared myself for the worst, or so I thought. I don't think there is anyway I could have prepared myself for the horrific pain of having your leg broken by the Dr. so he could fix it. It stinks!!!!!! I thought the pain of childbirth was terrible.....nothing compared to this!


My mom has been helping out and will continue as long as my leg is immobilized and I am on crutches--which will probably be January. I can't imagine the money we would be spending if Mom wasn't able to be here. One of my sweetest, dearest friends has also made a big contribution. Nancy coordinated meals to be brought to us each evening for almost 2 weeks. What a blessing! I better watch out or Jason's gonna hope I'm down more often so he gets lots of home cooked meals. ;)

We are all adjusting to the circumstances and hoping the recovery is swift. Especially my sweet little Tucker. He definitely realizes something is going on, but seems to be doing okay. His sleep pattern has been messed up a little, but that's all.

I'm looking forward to a relaxing Christmas season and wishing the same for everyone!

Processing......

I'm still processing the fact that I will have a major knee surgery and be totally dependant on others for a few months. To be quit honest, it really sucks!!! But....I've had my pity party and I'm moving forward.

In the midst of my pity party, I wasn't sure this was really what the Lord wanted me to do right now. So I said, "God, let me know this surgery is your plan." I was so unsure. Well, he let me know. Since I prayed that prayer, my knee has bothered me more on a daily basis than it ever has, and I haven't even exercised in days. Well, I'm certain I have my answer. But I still have questions.

I know the Lord is using and will use this time to bring me closer to him. Cause he knows I'll be all laid up with nothing to do but draw closer to him and seek his will for myself and my family. You see, things just aren't that great right now. I feel so disconnected from my husband and I know he feels the same about me. I know things will be okay, because I have faith in God's awesome plan for us. I love my husband of course he loves me, but sometimes we let the craziness of life get in the way and we start being so self centered. ( Now, those of you that read this....just chill... this is a season and the Lord is in it, so don't be letting your crazy minds run away with you. My marriage is okay). I'll probably regret the afore mentioned concern, but this is my blog and I want to be real. I don't want to give the impression that life is always just peachy. Cause we all know it isn't!

I also wonder what the Lord is doing in this ol head and heart of mine when it comes to my self image. What a life long issue this is and continues to be. For the first time in my life I've gotten my weight under control and I'm feeling great about myself, and BAM no more running for a year, and no exercise for at least 3 months! WHAT????? While I know he wants me to take care of myself, I just don't get it......or do I? When I first started this running thing I felt so close in my walk with him, but as time went on I was relying on myself and not giving God the credit for my success.

My prayer is that I will grow in Christ during this season of my life.

I'll leave you with these........

Bad Blogger, Busy Mom

Well, what can I say? I have logged on several times to add something, but it seems that I always get called away!! Wonder who keeps doing that? Tucker in his Halloween pjs "talking" on the phone.

Brooks and Cole. Not only is Cole our neighbor, but he and Brooks are in the same class. This was from their 2nd grade music program.

Just look at the big ol grin!! Sam was so proud he got a medal for 3rd place in his age group at the Broadmoor Fun Run.

Jay and Tucker were troopers. They hung around and supported all the runners. Don't they look excited?

This has to be the worst picture of me ever!!!

This was after running the 10K and setting a new PR!!!

You got your tickets?

Today as we sit in church. I am sitting between Brooks and Sam, and Jason is in the cry room with Tucker because he just doesn't ever sit still. Sam for that matter doesn't either, he's just to old for the cry room. Brooks and Sam both complained about having to go to church this morning because they wanted to go fishing. (For some reason, I just can't figure out who they get that from. Certainly not Jason!) Not at my house, Church is always the priority.

Anyway, so obviously the boys were very attentive in church. Brooks stayed pretty quiet, but Sam asked every 5 seconds, "Mom, how much longer?" Then of course he will not be still. Then finally he gets quiet. Score for me, now I can actually pay attention to Father and not my wild child. Unfortunately this didn't last too long, cause usually when Sam gets still and quiet he's up to something.

I'm listening to the Father's homily trying to soak up as much as I can cause lately I feel as if I'm just going through the motions. Sam turns to me with those bright eyes of his and he's just a grinnin', so tickled about something. So tickled he can hardly speak, but he manages to get it out. He whispers, "Mama, did you get the tickets?" I look at him and say "huh?" He repeats himself, still just a gigglin' and grinnin'. "Mama, did you get the tickets?" Finally, I say "What tickets?". At this point he is so tickled I almost can't understand him, but he manages to get it out. He says,"The tickets to the gun show!" as he flexes his muscle and points at it!!

I almost couldn't compose myself after that, and really didn't get much out of Mass today, but at least I stuck to my "guns" and made it to Church as a family.

Belly Buttons, Fishing, and Sillyness....

Mr. Tucker has discovered his belly button, and his brother's too, as you

will see further down in this post.

Jason has been taking Brooks tournament fishing with Team Trails and

they recently took 2nd place. This is Brooks getting the check for winning.

Tucker has figured out how to get into the Bumbo all by himself. He's so proud. I know he is to big for the stinking thing, but he likes it.


Sam is such a WILD MAN!!!
Brooks is too cool in his shades!!
Tucker can't keep his hands off Sam's belly button!!

Good Times with Great Friends.

We had a wonderful time on our little getaway to Destin!